Sunny

I've been feeling that little blackness on the edge of my consciousness that means if I'm not careful, a period of depression might be just around the corner. Basically, I think I'm waking up to the reality of the irresponsible hash I've made of my life. 31 with a really expensive education but no saleable skills or experience. I'm really afraid that no one will ever hire me for anything. What I need is one of my more responsible and ambitious friends to get really powerful and hire me for something. Anything. Anyway. That's all I'm going to say about that. I'm trying really hard to avoid spinning out and for the most part I'm succeeding in the only way I know how, denial. It's my most potent coping mechanism and I'm employing it rather effectively so far. There's no crying. I'm not eating inordinate amounts of sugar. I've even been going to yoga and for walks on a regular basis. I'm fine. So. Lots of online games with Zach, lots of bread baking, lots of IMing rage and hate and fear at the election with Stephanie, tea and toast on a tray in bed every morning with the online newspapers while I wait for the house to warm up to 50 degrees.

And in really really excellent news, my mom will be here tonight! Falling gas prices and all sorts of rationalizations about things (I don't really need) that she would be saving postage costs on by bringing me herself have justified an extra trip this fall before the snow flies. I'm so excited! I know she was just here, but there were SO MANY other people here at the same time. This time I get to have her all to myself for a few days and I'm ridiculously excited. The weather is supposed to be fabulous most of the time she's here, into the 60s and everything! (Into the 20s at night, but still, 60s!)